Gender, Cats, Kittens, and Cougars

By Karen Sternheimer

I am a cat person, but I am not a cat. That might seem obvious to you, since to my knowledge cats don’t blog. But some people seem to confuse women with felines. What does this tell us about gender in the twenty-first century?

Cats have traditionally been seen as feminine, referred to as “she” even though as mammals there must be male cats too. Perhaps their grace, their demure nature can be seen as a form of a compliment to female humans. But many of the connections are less than flattering.

Arguments, altercations and fights between women have a special term: catfight. This summer Indy Race car driver Danica Patrick was filmed arguing with fellow racer Milka Duno. When I Googled "Danica Patrick" and "catfight" I got thousands of hits, including forty hits from mainstream news organizations. 

Technically, the camera caught Patrick and Duno having an argument, not a fight. But days later cameras caught a physical altercation during a WNBA game, giving the sport rare news coverage. Once again media organizations used the “c” word. Fistfights happen regularly in men’s sports and are covered by the news, particularly if they are really violent, but they are just called “fights”. Maybe this is because men fight much more often than women. According to the FBI, in 2006 79 percent of aggravated assaults were committed by men, and they committed 75 percent of other assaults (like fistfights). 

Women who fight challenge assumptions about female passivity, but the “c” word tends to make female fighting more of an amusement than a serious issue. Have you ever seen the “reality” show Bad Girls' Club? I’ve only seen one episode, but it seems like they choose fight-prone women to live in a house together, encourage them to drink and watch the fight that inevitably comes next.

A 2007 reality show, Age of Love, pitted “kittens” (women in their twenties) against “cougars” (women in their forties) to compete for the affection of a man in his thirties.  (I’m not sure what happened to women in their thirties, but that’s another issue). At a time when women are increasingly likely to be unmarried, this show hit a particular nerve, framing the older women as conniving, desperate vixens and the younger ones as hot “sex kittens,” perhaps less intelligent or accomplished than the older women, but, well, hot.

I’m not sure where this new term for women who date younger men came from, but it is interesting on many levels. First, men who date younger women are not usually described as predators unless the woman is under eighteen. (They might be called dirty old men, but typically that’s only if their advances are unwanted.) Demi Moore marries a man fifteen years her junior, and voila, she is a cougar. George Clooney dates a woman seventeen years younger, and he is just George Clooney. George follows a long line of Hollywood stars that date and/or marry much younger women. Cary Grant, Clooney’s predecessor in many ways, appeared as the male lead opposite Grace Kelley (25 years younger), Audrey Hepburn (25 years younger), and Eva Marie Saint (twenty years younger) to name a few. 

One of my all-time favorite movies, North by Northwest, starred Saint and Grant as romantic leads despite their twenty-year age gap. Jessie Royce Landis played Grant’s mother in the movie—and she was less than eight years older than her movie “son” Grant.

Older men might be called a "sugar daddy", but most of the pejorative terms are reserved for the women they are involved with (gold digger, husband stealer, whore, and so forth). 

The cougar moniker also implies that older women are predatory, stalking their victims before pouncing on them, rendering them helpless. Older men with younger partners are just thought of as lucky or entitled, especially if they have wealth and power. Calling women cougars also implies that at their age they need to pursue men, that they have less value and therefore will not be pursued by men.

Finally, cougars, cats, and kittens are not people. Using these terms dehumanizes women, even if it does so unintentionally. What’s fascinating is that women use these terms as much, if not more than men. As author Leora Tanenbaum recounts in her book Slut! Growing Up Female With a Bad Reputation, women have historically sought to minimize the status of others in order to bolster their own within a narrow framework of female opportunity. She interviewed women of all ages who were labeled “sluts” at some point (although many actually had no sexual experience despite the label), and found that labeling is both the result of gender inequality and a means to reproduce it. Women have traditionally been valued based on their sexual appeal to men, and a multitude of words exist to keep women within these boundaries.

Yes, I know most people don’t mean any harm when they talk of catfights or cougars. But even when used in fun, these terms reaffirm that women’s worth is linked to the men they are with and how well they conform to gendered expectations.

Comments

[James Winsoar]

I've never thought of it like that before. Very enlightening!

[Julia Korolenko]

I think that women are far too sensitive. I believe that the reason that some men (and women) react so unfavorably towards feminists and feminism is because it no longer feels like there is some serious lack in equality, or rights… it seems like feminists are going out of their way to find issues with absolutely everything. Men are subjected to derogatory terms just as women are. Yes, women being called “kitten” or “bunny” may be derogatory – it may imply weakness to some. Yet I hear no complaints from the author about the men that are called “hunks” or “studs”. The name “hunk” seems to reduce the man to a piece of meat, while “stud” suggests that he is only good for reproducing (or on a more graphic and sexually explicit note, riding). If these terms are offensive to some people, they do not have to use them. Using such words does not mean that women have been reduced to animals that evil men use for sex, they are the product of society in the same way that we use “beautiful” to describe women, and “handsome” to describe men. Men and women aren’t the same, they aren’t equal in every way, and it would be great if people stopped attempting to make them the same. I like my gender role, I like where I fit in. If that means that people aren’t going to respect my ability to beat someone up and react towards it like they would towards a boxing match, then frankly that REALLY doesn’t bother me. I also wonder how it is that the author decided that comparing women to cats was in any way derogatory. Cats are graceful, intelligent, independent animals who can survive on their own. Cougars are and even more beautiful and powerful cat that need to be respected for their majesty. What do we daily compare men to? Dogs. They need to be fed, walked, are completely dependent, lick their masters feet, and beg them for treats. A very stark contrast to the independent cats that the author doesn’t want to be compared to. Maybe everything would be equal if we started comparing women to dogs? I am certain that the feminists out there would just love that.

[Katy]

This blog is very interesting to me and it makes me wonder where does she get her info? I feel like a lot of feminism, racism, and or prejudice stems from the fact that people still want to sit here in the 21st century and ponder small things such as calling a woman a cougar. I find it very silly and a huge waste of time to dwell on, how if we continue to use words such as kitten, cat, and cougar that we as women will stay below men.
I was reading some of the other comments posted about this blog and I fully agree with Julie who posted in April of this year. Some women ARE far too sensitive and I think it actually hinders women even more and shows weakness when we start to talk about little things like this. I mean blogs such as this are the reason why there are so many negative stereotypes about feminism. I feel women should be strong and yes, opinionated, but in the right way to show that we are equals and we are important. We need to reinvent the meaning of feminism and make is more of a positive word. Sitting here and writing a full essay about comparing a woman to a cat and finding it truly offensive in my opinion is only taking the female sex down instead of up through that glass ceiling.
We as women should be more concerned with making our society more equal in the workplace, politics, and at home and I don’t really feel like certain words are keeping us from achieving what we deserve; Women are so much stronger than that. Allowing terms and slang to bother you this much and actually finding feline words negative is surprising coming from what sounds to be a very powerful and educated woman. I am actually okay being compared to a type of feline sometimes. Feline’s are strong, independent, and smart; Everything a woman is!

[Adit M.]

This article is very well written. The term cougar and many such names in vogue are derogatory and insult women. Gender inequality comes into play because there are no terms for older men looking out for much younger women. I think that younger women are more vulnerable than the younger men in any such devious or, should I say, unusual relationships. In my opinion, a male or female looking for younger relationships should be judged according to their actions and not according to their gender. If a female is ostracized for an immature decision, the same applies to the male, irrespective of their gender, social, or celebrity status.

[cat care]

If man always want to have dogs, women are always want to have cat together with them cause cat figures like a woman and act like a human.

[erin]

Wow this article definitely made me think twice about the way i think about my fellow ladies. I have used all of these terms and i do think that women use these more than men and I think that TV shows glorify these types of women because they are unusual and interesting and we are curious about them. Next time I will not judge a man or women for who they are with and will respect them as a human being.

[Thayer Lowe]

I know that not all women like being labeled as a cougar or sex kitten but when they're labeled as so they don't say anything. If they don't like the label they need to say something. Also, I want to know where these terms originated from? Why a cougar or sex kitten?

[Zach Johnson]

I had never thought of these terms in that light. I also dislike the double standard with the older man/younger woman or older woman/younger man dynamic. I think that both are detestable. But, to each their own. If both parties consent, society has no room to judge what should or shouldn't be.

[Natalie Peluso]

Here is another recent, disturbing example that I'll be using to discuss this very issue in my Sociology of Gender course this upcoming semester.

http://www.fmfoxchase.com/