Conformity: Saying Yes

By Janis Prince Inniss

What is your favorite marriage proposal story?

For me the answer is easy: my own! That may not be true for all married couples I suppose, but it is for me.

I thought about my proposal when I saw the television show Mobbed for the first time, last week. Executive produced and hosted by the hyperactive comedian, Howie Mandel, the show produces flash mobs for personal occasions. Want to propose? A flash mob will help you do that. Want to let your honey know that you’re pregnant? A flash mob can help with that announcement too.

Not very long ago, I didn’t even know what a flash mob was! One of the first ones I recall was the season opener of The Oprah Winfrey Show that featured a performance by the Black Eyed Peas. Mobbed was also rather instructive in helping me understand how so many strangers could be unified by the same dance moves as they converge on one public space.

I was fascinated to see that some of the mob participants knew of the event because they follow the choreographers on Twitter. Clueless as I was about flash mobs, I didn’t realize the integral role that technology plays in them; people are informed of these events by social media, text messages, or even viral emails. (Interestingly, the man credited with organizing the first flash mob, Bill Wasik, says that without this technology, a flash mob could be organized by handing out flyers. More on this later.)

On the episode of Mobbed that I saw a young man used a flash mob help to propose to his girlfriend. The highly orchestrated proposal was not enough for the over-zealous Mandel, who thought they should go further with the surprise by having the couple get married on the show.

Some of the episode centered on showing the audience how the production plans came together. We saw potential mob participants arrive in the parking lot of the California mall that hosted the extravaganza. There, they checked in with organizers and rehearsed their dance moves. We saw the prospective groom, his brother, and some friends learn their own dance moves.

YouTube was also a player in the event, as the choreographers had uploaded video of the dance so that participants could begin rehearsing prior to their arrival at the mall. (This version of a flash mob, then, uses technology in ways that were unnecessary to the early ones Wasik developed.)

In this production of Mobbed, an actress played an old flame, who upon meeting the couple out for a pretend movie screening, becomes irate enough to throw a glass of water into the man’s face. This heightened the drama, particularly since the girlfriend tended to be jealous, and it gave the man an excuse to leave the table to change into formal attire.

Immediately, the first of the flash mobsters sprung into action. A “security guard” appeared to quell the disturbance began to sing “Everlasting Love” as the ”patrons” and ”waiters” danced and stepped.

The bewildered young woman was then led outside where the fairy tale continued to unfold with more singing and dancing, culminating in the boyfriend’s dance number and proposal! Then he requested that they marry right there. The shaking woman was put into a wedding gown on the spot—her colored blouse peeking under and the back unbuttoned. The show had flown in the brides’ friends and parents, and of course, there was someone to perform the ceremony which was witnessed by the flash mobsters.

I was caught up in the emotion of the show. The fairy-tale happy ending quality was seductive, and I found myself rooting for this couple I have never met.

I also had other reactions, however. Everyone seemed to have a cellphone camera, so apart from the show’s documentation, there must be literally hundreds of versions of this engagement and wedding around the country or world. As a private fuddy-duddy, I would hate this! In my world, jealousy is a hint of an emotional issue to be examined, not a benign emotion to be used to inflame for TV ratings. It may even suggest that the couple examine their relationship, rather than make it more permanent. (Whether the marriage is legal is also questionable.)

Wasik talked about those who join flash mobs as conforming to the pressure to do so. This example of the show Mobbed, may also illustrate the need we have to conform in certain situations. As we know from the Asch experiment, groups can exert enormous influence on us. With a final count of 1,017—plus who knows how many other onlookers—how likely was the woman to refuse her boyfriend’s proposal? And what about his request that they marry right away? Could she say no?

Comments

[morgan]

I never really thought about the pressures of answering that type of question in front of so many people, and your absolutely right. That has to influence a persons answer, which could ultimatly cause the downfall of a marriage. I personally think giving the other person time to gather their thoughts before answering such a life changing question is the way to go!

[Angela]

I feel this woman was pressured to answer yes. Who could say no to this guy? She probably thought he had spent a fortune getting all of this around. She probably was also so caught up in the moment. She was not given a second to think. The people in the flash mob are definitely conforming to a group-think mentality. If all of these people can be influenced to do this so easily imagine if they all thought of picketing or mobbing a place. This mob could easily cause damage as well as making moments more memorable.

[Abby]

WOW... Seriously,how many woman is so brave to say no to his boyfriend's proposal in that moment... If I was her I would make same choice even though that was not my intention...and would say no to him later if I really have to... It is true that groups can influence on us in many situations on our life...This can leads to seriouse problem when you have to make important decision like marriage...

[Mexican]

This woman was pressured into saying yes. She felt the pressure of the surrounding people and was caught up in the moment. However, on a life changing dicision such as marriage she should have answered for herself instead of the crowd of strangers forming.

[ray rivera]

American culture is one of a kind around the world. With over many different cultures, we're on of the few that celebrate a marriage. In the Mexican culture it is custom for the daughter to stay a virgin for her future to be husband and they always try to marry higher up in society. In other countries your family picks out your spouse and you marry them without choice. We are fortunate enough to be able to celebrate such a day the way we do. Now we face the pressure of hoping our proposal will be the one she says yes to. Its hard making decisions that involve another person, let alone a woman. You want to make sure you have the right ring, the right setting, and say the right words. Theres so much pressure on men to please woman. The last thing you want is your partner replying 'Yes' to your question out of a conformity. That will only lead you to divorce in the future.

[firephoenix456]

I don’t think mob is a good word to describe what they do more like a flash crowd rather than an unruly mobpsqe

[Trent]

One of the sections we recently studied in my online sociology class spoke of how people act in a group and also how groupts can pressure us into makeing on-the-spot decisions. After watching the embedded video of the flash mob proposal, I finally understood how groups influence us to make these decisions. For example, right before the proposal, the woman had been angry with her boyfriend from what happened with his "former girlfriend." Were there not a group to pressure her into saying yes to his proposal, it is my perspective that the woman would have at least taken some time to consider the proposal rather than saying yes on the spot. It is very clear that groups the group soothed her anger thereby making it less likely for the woman to refuse the proposal.

[ריהוט משרדי]

It is really a difficult situation for women as they cannot decide their future within few seconds.They cannot say yes or no all of a sudden as both answers may lead to some loss.Its really a great pressure given to girls.So its better that such questions should not be posed in such shows.But such mobs are really helpful to share the feelings of the youth and share their life with their loved ones...As a coin has both sides such mobs have both pros and cons...

[Laurie]

It's very important to be prepared mentally for such situations and not be afraid to say "wait, I'm thinking". Emotional responses are part of our emotional intelligence which can be learned. See: http://www.optimalthinking.com/emotional-mastery.html