The Balancing Act: Why “Showing Up” For Kids Matters, But so does Showing up for Work
If you've spent any time on TikTok lately, you've probably come across the "showing up" trend. It’s a feel-good trend where parents proudly showcase how they try to be present for their kids, whether it's for school events, games, or random day-to-day moments that mean the world to children. The message is heartwarming: being there matters, and kids notice when parents show up. I also know that research consistently suggests that parental involvement is important. But as a working mom, I can't help but feel a little tug of anxiety every time I see those videos.
The pressure to be physically present for every milestone or school event ties into the larger societal expectation that good parents—especially mothers—are always available. This isn't a new idea, but social media has amplified it, making it harder for working moms to ignore. These pressures align with the concept of intensive mothering, which demands that mothers devote immense time, energy, and emotional labor to their children, often at the expense of their own needs or professional aspirations. Whether it’s a holiday party or a preschool graduation, there’s an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) expectation that we’ll be there. And while these moments are important, they often come at a cost.
The pressure to “show up” is not distributed evenly. The expectation that moms should be the ones attending every event is deeply tied to gender roles. Despite the progress we have made toward gender equality, there’s still a lingering assumption that mothers are the default parent. This expectation adds an extra layer of guilt for moms who have to prioritize work, something that fathers often don’t experience in the same way.
Social norms and gender roles reinforce the idea that being a mother means always being available, and that’s what makes this situation even more complicated for working moms. We face a unique kind of work-family conflict, the struggle to meet the high demands of both our careers and our families. When you add to this the rising costs of childcare, the reality is that many families simply cannot afford for one parent to stay home full-time, even if they wanted to. So, for working moms, the stress of "showing up" becomes another weight to carry in an already overburdened balancing act.
The idea of “showing up” is important, but I believe it’s time to rethink what that means. As much as I want to be there for every field trip and class party, I have had to come to terms with the fact that it is just not possible. And that’s okay. I’m still an involved parent even when I’m not physically present at every event.
Being a good parent doesn’t always mean showing up for every moment; sometimes, it means showing up in different ways, ways that work for both you and your child. For working parents, this might mean finding ways to stay involved outside of traditional school hours or setting aside quality time for your kids when you are off the clock. It might mean making sure your kids know you are thinking of them, even when you are at work, by sending a note in their lunchbox or asking about their day when you get home.
We also need to broaden our societal understanding of what meaningful parental involvement looks like. Schools and daycares should recognize that not every family has the flexibility to attend midday events and instead provide opportunities for parents to engage in ways that fit their schedules. Whether it's virtual participation, after-hours events, or simply acknowledging that working parents are juggling a lot, there are ways to foster inclusivity in these spaces without creating guilt.
At the core of this issue is the need for systemic change. Employers can play a significant role in supporting working parents by offering more flexibility, whether that’s through flexible work hours, remote work options, or family leave policies. Workplaces that recognize the realities of working parents create an environment where we don’t have to choose between being there for our kids and succeeding in our careers.
Moving forward, we should celebrate all forms of parental involvement, whether it happens at a classroom party or around the dinner table at the end of a long workday. So the next time you see a “showing up” video, remember that it’s not just about being present at every event. It is about the countless ways we show up for our kids, even when we’re not there in person. And that should count too.
I'm "too nice" at work because I don't have the energy for anything else. The purpose of genuine feedback is to help the other person or organization improve — at the risk of offending and hurting your job stability. Not worth it, not in this economy.
Posted by: sprunki retake | February 11, 2025 at 10:17 PM
I never thought about it this way. Your explanation really changed my perspective!
Posted by: Ankita Sharma | February 17, 2025 at 07:22 AM
Your content is always so informative and easy to understand. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Deva | February 17, 2025 at 07:24 AM