The Balancing Act: Why “Showing Up” For Kids Matters, But so does Showing up for Work
If you've spent any time on TikTok lately, you've probably come across the "showing up" trend. It’s a feel-good trend where parents proudly showcase how they try to be present for their kids, whether it's for school events, games, or random day-to-day moments that mean the world to children. The message is heartwarming: being there matters, and kids notice when parents show up. I also know that research consistently suggests that parental involvement is important. But as a working mom, I can't help but feel a little tug of anxiety every time I see those videos.
The pressure to be physically present for every milestone or school event ties into the larger societal expectation that good parents—especially mothers—are always available. This isn't a new idea, but social media has amplified it, making it harder for working moms to ignore. These pressures align with the concept of intensive mothering, which demands that mothers devote immense time, energy, and emotional labor to their children, often at the expense of their own needs or professional aspirations. Whether it’s a holiday party or a preschool graduation, there’s an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) expectation that we’ll be there. And while these moments are important, they often come at a cost.